Hey Sophie, I have no idea what the plan for this originally was, so I kind of just postponed it for a month. I still don’t really know what the idea was supposed to be — I’ve been overthinking it way too much. I also don’t really know why, but I haven’t been talking to you much lately. It’s not because I don’t want to — it’s literally the opposite. It’s just that every time I try to message you, I sit there for like 20 minutes trying to figure out what to say. I’ll type something, delete it, retype something else, then delete that too. Half the time I end up staring at your name in chat, just thinking about how dumb I’ll sound no matter what I say. Even though you probably wouldn’t care what I said either way, I still overthink it. I don’t know why, but it’s like my brain just freezes whenever I want to say something real. I guess that’s what happens when you’re trying to talk to the girl you care about more than you can really explain. Anyway, I’ve started working on the grand finale NYE one. I really hope you like it — I want it to actually feel like something special, not just a message. I’ve been thinking about it a lot because it feels like the last big chapter of all this. It’s kind of weird to think how long this has gone on, and how much has changed, but somehow it still means the same to me — maybe even more. It’s always a weird mix of nerves and excitement whenever I write to you. Like part of me wants to say everything I actually think and feel, but the other part of me keeps saying “don’t mess it up.” I don’t know, it’s stupid. But you’re the one person that makes me care about saying things the right way. Last night I couldn’t sleep, so I stayed up looking at stuff about Cupertino again — just random research like I always do. I’ve always had this dream of living there one day, building something meaningful, maybe even creating something that lasts. But lately, I’ve realized I’ve got an even bigger dream — and even though I’ve only had it for about a year and a half, it’s the one that matters most. That dream isn’t a place or a thing. It’s you. You’ve been the one constant that somehow always makes things feel okay. You probably don’t even realize how much of an impact you’ve had on me. Every time I think about giving up on something, I end up pushing through because I think, “nah, she’d tell me to keep going.” And I don’t even know if you know that, but yeah — you really do that to me. And honestly, writing all this kind of makes me laugh, because this whole message feels like it belongs in one of those shitty romance books you read — the ones you always say aren’t that bad but secretly love anyway. The kind where the guy finally says how he feels after way too long. So yeah, I guess this is my “main character moment,” or whatever you’d call it. Anyway, I’ve probably already embarrassed myself enough with this one, but honestly, I don’t care. It feels good to just say it all for once instead of keeping it in my head. Maybe I’ll regret it later, but at least it’s real. So yeah. That’s all for tonight. Just me trying to say something that probably still doesn’t say enough. – Blayze